I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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