there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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