Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
