I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so let's talk penis.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
