when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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