And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Im part way to drunk.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
