Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
