i think my tv is drunk
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
