i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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