when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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