my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
