she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
