omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
