My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
