Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
