don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We need to rekindle our bromance
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
