I bet he comes in French.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
