WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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