I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
