everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
