We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
