i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
