Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
