I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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