I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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