i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
