Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
