i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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