But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
