I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
