Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
