Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
