So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
