Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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