AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
