u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
