another moral hangover. fuck.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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