You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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