it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
