So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he fucked my hip out of place.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
