Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
