You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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