i drank out of a bidet.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
