Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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