I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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