I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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