Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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