Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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