a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
