i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So squirting runs in the family.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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