Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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