Swine flu. Run for my life!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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