Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
